RESIDENTS JOURNEY IN THERAPY
My life before coming to Dovegate was very different. I was still blaming everyone else for my mistakes. Still using anger and aggression to try to keep control of everything around me and still hating myself. I had lost my family because I lied to them about what happened on the night of the offence and about who I was… All I did and all I’ve ever done is think about myself and what I want. I thought it (TC) would be an easy way to get what I wanted. Talk about my offence, look at my childhood, then go back get the thumbs up and move on. But it hasn’t worked out that way.
I used to hate myself, so I built up a façade/ external armour to protect myself. I used anger and aggression to try and maintain control of the things around me. Since being here and looking at all these things and breaking down that façade, I’ve been able to be the real me and build up an internal armour. I started to like myself and who I am. I accepted myself and therefore didn’t feel the need to look for that acceptance in others, which had led to me getting into situations and relationships that have been detrimental to both me and the people around me.
Although I now feel better within myself and I’ve built up relationships with my family that I never thought I would have, I still struggle with what I have done. Having to talk about all the things I’ve done wrong in my life, no matter how many times I go through it, it is still difficult. Having taking responsibility for my actions and knowing I’m the only one to blame for things I’ve done isn’t something I’ll ever be able to let go of.
The guys and the facilitators in my small groups have given me the space and support to look at and understand my life and myself. Resident D.